'Get Along Jar"

Nothing helps a kid have ownership over something like contributing to the making of it.  Discipline is no different!  I sat my kids down and we scattered popsicle sticks all over the dining room table.  I asked them to come up with some good consequences for different scenarios.  For example, I asked them, "If two of you are fighting over a toy, what do you think would be an appropriate consequence?" They said things like, "pick up all the toys" and "Mommy takes the toys away."  Then we thought for a few minutes about how mommy taking all the toys away would help us learn to love each other.  I felt like so many of our problems stemmed from the fact that we weren't treating each other the way that we'd want to be treated. The truth of the matter was that it didn't help at all to actually foster good sibling relationships for me to always have to step in and be the big bad taker awayer of all things fun.  It just eliminated that problem with that particular toy and that particular time.  We needed to dig deeper.

So we tried to spin all of our punishments to actually create bonding. So instead of the punishment being "pick up all the toys" the consequence became "pick up the other person's toys".  Yes, they were still picking up toys.  But they were serving each other in the process and for some crazy reason, this helped my kids to foster a better relationship.  I think that we can learn so much about other people when we take the time to serve them and this is something that I really want to drive home with my kids.

So we wrote all the consequences they came up with on popsicle sticks.  

Then we got some Jesus.  If you aren't about Jesus- then you can just skip this part.  One time, my friend spoke at a conference about how one of the most tangible ways that we can teach our children the grace of Jesus is to show our children grace when they deserve punishment.  We are all people who deserve punishment and Jesus took that from us (grace).  We wrote the word GRACE on a couple (and only a couple because we can't milk Jesus, folks) of popsicle stick and put them in there as a reminder that when we deserved a consequence that Jesus took that from us.  (On the off chance that my kids pick grace out of the jar, I do make them explain to me what it means so that they don't just see Jesus as a free pass.)

We put all of the popsicle sticks in our "Get Along Jar". 

Mom Time Coupons

I think I'm addicted to activities & jars:)
This one is our "Mom Time" jar. I currently spend a lot of quality time with my sons, yet after a conversation with my oldest, it was brought to my attention that they would like 101 time with me away from the other sibling. This had not even crossed my mind. So if you know me, you know I went right to pinterest & searched mother/son dates & came across these cool Mom Time Coupons. They were free to download & print & that's what I did & finished them off with lamination & a cute jar. Unsure of how I'm going to roll it out, yet I know they will be super excited. This Friday's family meeting will be one they love!

A Lesson From The Tooth Fairy

My son's tooth came out June 11th & I've been waiting to do this:)

Someone wasn't  happy in the morning but I sure got a clean room  without repeating myself. Haha.

They keep forgetting that I was a child before I was their mom:)

Last day Of School...

My boys woke up singing "The last day of school is the best day of school." They were super excited. The end of the school year gifts I made last night  sure  widened their smile after school... Being a mother is one of the most challenging yet rewarding jobs to have and it is such a blessing to work at the school they attend.

IT'S SUMMER BREAK!!!!

Family Conversation Starters

As I prepared dinner  I started thinking...Whatever happened to eating dinner as a family? Setting the table & sitting down together. No TV, phone calls, laptops & no eating in your bedroom for sure, along with any other room in the house. And where did the saying "Don't talk at the dinner table come from"? After prayer, my family discuss the activities of our day along with other thoughts that may be on our mind. I use that time to interact with my kings & they look forward to telling me about their day. So if I were to follow that "No talking at the table" rule, I would miss out on the perfect opportunity to build with my sons...Eating dinner as a family is a great way to spend time together, build communication, find out what's going on in your child's life & adds another layer to strengthen your foundation as a family. Even statistics show that children, who were granted this simple opportunity, were more productive, outgoing & received higher test scores. So in conclusion, let's go back to the ole days, when we took advantage of every opportunity to gather & build as a family... If for only 1 night a week, let's turn off all distractions, sit together, encourage discussion & enjoy dinner...
~Attached are sample conversation starter questions to begin. I still get mine off line, so it's fine if you can't think of your own. Remember we are a team:)

Our Family Conversation Starter Jar...
Our old one needed a question upgrade, so I added new questions & knock knock jokes.
~Dinner at the McWilliams:)

New Incentive System-MOM BUCKS

While watching "A Diary of A Wimpy Kid" with my sons, I saw a brilliant incentive system. The mom used "Mom Bucks."So you know my mind started wandering & I decided to totally change the system we have been using. Each day the boys will start fresh with 10 Mom Bucks. They know the rules & what is expected of them daily. When rules are broken or negative behavior is displayed, they will have a Mom Buck taken away. They will also have the opportunity to earn extra Mom Bucks if they go out of their way to do something nice for someone, extra chores, etc. Each Sunday, we'll tally up their bucks earned & they will have a chance to take their Mom Bucks to the Mom Store(a plastic bin filled with various items) or pay $5 to choose from our Reward Jar. This is also a great way to help with math. They'll learn how to save money, since they do have the option of saving up their bucks for a larger item. I'm excited to lay this out at our family meeting this week. I think this one is a winner!

~The Joys Of Motherhood

Mom Bucks!

Screen Time Tickets!!!

Can help prevent screen time from becoming ALL the time. You can give your child his tickets all at once and let him figure out how to spend them during the week, or set a limit on the number of tickets your child can use each day. I use them to reward good behavior or other jobs well done since my boys are only allowed 30 minutes of screen time daily. 

Worth 5 Mom Bucks

Reward Jar Coupons!!!

Worth 5 Mom Bucks:)

Walking What We Preach

The Way

The Way is only learned by walking it. Here are the steps I recommend:

§  Greet your child each morning with a smile, a hug, a loving Good Morning! This is how we would all like to be greeted each day.

§  Teach your child to make her own breakfast. This starts for most children at around the age of 3 or 4. Teach them progressively to brush their teeth, bathe themselves, clean up their rooms, put away clothes, wash their dishes, make lunch, wash their own clothes, sweep and clean, etc.

§  Teaching these skills takes patience. Kids suck at them at first, so you have to show them about a hundred times, but let them try it, correct them, and let them make mistakes. They will gradually learn independence as you will gradually have less work to do caring for them.

§  Know that when you screw up as a parent, everything will be fine. Forgive yourself. Apologize. Learn from that screw up. In other words, model the behavior you’d like your child to learn whenever he screws up.

§  Older children can help younger children — it’s good for them to learn responsibility, it helps the younger children learn from the older ones, and it takes some of the stress off you.

§  Read to them often. It’s a wonderful way to bond, to educate, to explore imaginary worlds.

§  Build forts with them. Play hide and seek. Shoot each other with Nerf dart guns. Have tea together. Squeeze lemons and make lemonade. Play, often, as play is the essence of childhood.Don’t try to force them to stop playing.

§  When your child asks for your attention, grant it.

§  Parents need alone time, though. Set certain traditions so that you’ll have time to work on your own, or have mommy and daddy time in the evening, when your child can do things on her own.

§  When your child is upset, put yourself in his shoes. Don’t just judge the behavior (yes, crying and screaming isn't ideal), but the needs behind the behavior. Does he need a hug, or attention, or maybe he’s just tired?

§  Model the behavior you want your child to learn. Don’t yell at the child because he was screaming. Don’t get angry at a child for losing his temper. Don’t get mad at a kid who wants to play video games all the time if you’re always on your laptop. Be calm, smile, be kind, go outdoors and be active.

§  When a stressful time arises (and it will), learn to deal with it with a smile.Make a joke, turn it into a game, laugh … you’ll teach your child not to take things so seriously, and that life is to be enjoyed. Breathe, walk away if you've lost your temper, and come back when you can smile.

§  Remember that your child is a gift. She won’t be a child for long, and so your time with her is fleeting. Every moment you can spend with her is a miracle, and you should savor it. Enjoy it to the fullest, and be grateful for that moment.

§  Let your child share your interests. Bake cookies together. Sew together. Exercise together. Read together. Work on a website together. Write a blog together.

§  Patiently teach your child the boundaries of behavior. There should be boundaries — what’s acceptable and what’s not. It’s not OK to do things that might harm yourself or others. We should treat each other with kindness and respect. Those aren't things the child learns immediately, so have patience, but set the boundaries. Within those boundaries, allow lots of freedom.

§  Give your child some space. Parents too often over schedule their child’s life, with classes and sports and play dates and music and clubs and the like, but it’s a constant source of stress for both child and parent to keep this schedule going. Let the child go outside and play. Free time is necessary. You don’t always have to be by her side either — she needs alone time just as much as you do.

§  Exercise to cope with stress. A run in solitude is a lovely thing. Get a massage now and then.

§  It helps tremendously to be a parenting team — one parent can take over when the other gets stressed. When one parent starts to lose his temper, the other should be a calming force.

§  Mom and dad need a date night every week or so. Get a babysitter, or better yet, teach the older kids to babysit.

§  Sing and dance together.

§  Take every opportunity to teach kindness and love. It’s the best lesson.

§  Kiss your child goodnight. And give thanks for another amazing day with your beautiful, unique, crazy child.

Family Dinner Book Club

My youngest child has not yet found his love for reading. Math is his favorite at the moment. So, being the mom & Pinterest fanatic that I am, I came across this idea & have decided to start using/doing it in our home. Next week I will introduce the boys to FAMILY DINNER BOOK CLUB, which will become another tradition in our home and will easily connect with our Family Movie Nights. We already use dinner time to talk and connect as a family, so why not encourage reading in a fun way in the process.
Feel free to make this idea your own, because I sure am:o)

Disconnect to Reconnect: Take the Pledge!

Our world is so fast-paced. Our days are literally gogogo. Work, school, church, basketball, grocery store, post office, doctor’s offices, and so on. Not to mention the electronics. You barely see more than people’s foreheads these days! People are entranced by their smartphones and tablets and video games! It would do everyone so much good to stop and really focus on one another.

One of our favorite ways to do this and one of our favorite things to do together as a family is to share a meal. It doesn't have to be fancy. It can be as simple as sitting at the kitchen table or a picnic at the park or at one of our favorite local restaurants.

It really isn't about where; it’s about who we’re with. It’s about disconnecting from the computer, iPhones, iPads…the crazy outside world and reconnecting with the people I love.

It’s during these meal times that I am able to hear about my family’s day. The Children tells us about what they learned at school. The fun things they played on the playground with their friends.

It’s honestly our daily exhale.

That’s why I love the Disconnect to Reconnect initiative, which is challenging families to take the pledge and put the electronics away during meal times and focus on one another for at least one meal per week. Disconnect to Reconnect!

Special Unexpected Moments

As often as I can, I look for sweet, memorable, or unexpected things I can do for my kids. I feel like I shine as a parent when I make the everyday things special - these moments fill me up as much as they do for my boys.

So, here are a few ideas I have up my sleeve that I know will both surprise and delight my two boys. They are easy, frugal, and don’t require much more than my time. There are going to be lots of smiles around here!

1. Give their bedrooms the hotel treatment.

While your kids are outside playing, taking a bath, or otherwise occupied, sneak into their bedrooms and fancy them up a bit. Make the bed and put a candy on the pillow. Set out a vase of fresh flowers or a new magazine. Maybe you could even offer room service for dessert!

2. Bring something surprising to the dinner table.

The kids are expecting noodles and veggies and you bring a tray of ice cream sundae fixings – how’s that for delightful? Other fun and unexpected dinners could be smoothies and popcorn, a cold cereal bar, or chocolate fondue.

3. Make an I Love You poster.

Make a big poster of all the things you love about your child and hang it on his bedroom door or above her bed. You could continue adding to it week after week, too. What a sweet thing to read each day!

4. Celebrate a crazy holiday.

You could make-up your own holiday or choose one of the many unusual holidays that already exist. For example, August 31 is National Trail Mix Day and September 9 is Teddy Bear Day. Make a snack, do a craft, or play a game that goes with the holiday. (For more unique holidays, check out the lists at About.com’s Family Crafts.)

5. Play a game with breakfast.

Set-up a favorite board or card game at night so it’s ready to greet your child first thing in the morning. Play, visit, and enjoy your toast with a game.

6. Go all out for story time.

Yes, usually bedtime stories are a time for snuggling and winding down. Make an exception and show-up for story time in costume! Don’t forget to do all the characters’ voices and special sound effects, too. I know my boys would really love it if my husband and I performed a story together. We’ll call it Bedtime Theater!

7. Weekly Special Notes.

You can get very creative with this one and it can serve as encouragement for your children as well. Visit my post in Encouragement.Praise.Kindness for more visual examples.

What ideas can you add to this list? Do you have time to plan a simple surprise for your kids this week?

Giving Our Full Attention

I always enjoy hearing tips and tricks from other parents and thinking about which ones would be a good fit for me and my girls. So, I thought I’d share some of my parenting tips with you from time to time.

My tips may be things you've read before, heard before, tried before – but I have found that the best ideas often deserve repeating. Plus, I know I can always use reminders to stay focused on being the kind of parent I strive to be.

Here is something that has served me well since my boys were little, and continues to be one of my most effective parenting tools: giving my full attention.

What does my full attention look like?

§  maintaining eye contact

§  engaging in conversation

§  getting down on my child’s level

§  following my child’s lead

§  giving affection

§  not multitasking

Each day, my goal is for each of my boys to have my full attention at least twice. We might play a game, read together, do an art project, take a walk, do some imaginative play, or cook. During this time, I don’t check e-mail, do chores, write to-do lists, or any other task that might need attending to.

I know that when I give my full attention at various moments throughout the day, my boys play better independently, they whine and argue less, and the general mood of our house is more positive.

How can I tell I haven’t given enough attention? The whining, bickering, and {gasp!} “I’m bored!”s start creeping into our day. This tends to happen on days where I am wrapped-up in my own tasks – and, there are inevitably days that have to be this way. However, I have found that even 15 minutes of focused attention and interaction goes a long way.

Also, as my boys get older, I often need to remind myself that while they can play and create independently, they still enjoy having me play with them. And, I enjoy it too! A little playdough and chocolate milk break is good for this mom’s soul… 

Is this a parenting technique you use? What do your kids like to do when they have your full attention? I’m always thrilled to engage in continued conversation through the ideas, comments, and questions you write. Thanks for sharing!

Children & Goal Setting

Setting goals is not just for grown-ups. Even our littles can benefit from the confidence-boost that comes from setting a goal, working towards it, and achieving it.

Goal-setting with young children should be simple and straightforward:

§  Involve your child as much as possible in choosing an appropriate goal.

§  Listen for times when your little one says, “I wish I could…” and think about ways to turn that wish into a specific goal.

§  First-time goals should be achievable in a day or two.

§  Decide on a great way to celebrate your child’s success.

No matter what the goal, kids (and grown-ups, too) will benefit from a visual way to track progress.  With some basic supplies, you and your child can create some fun and effective goal-setting charts. Here are some of the charts we have enjoyed using over the years. Let’s set some goals!

Sticker Charts

I’m guessing many of you have used the classic sticker chart for motivating your kids to use the potty, complete chores, or do their homework. A sticker chart is a great way to practice a routine or new skill that needs repetition for success. For toddlers and preschoolers, this can be a concrete way to track progress toward a simple goal. Sticker charts were always one of my boys’ favorite things and they still ask to make them.

Color-in Chart

When you’re tired of using sticker charts, try a coloring chart. Draw a simple picture or use a coloring book page. Your child can color one part of the page until the whole picture is complete. We kept our completed pictures on the fridge for a while to celebrate a job well done.

Board Game

A board game chart is really just a glorified sticker chart.  It can be a simple path, like my frog sample below. Each time your child works toward the goal, color or sticker one space on the path. Help the frog make it to the pond! Or, you can make a more elaborate board game with messages or activities along the path. Our favorite way is to think of all the different fun and crazy ways we could practice a certain skill. We write these ideas in the game board spaces. Each day, my son would flip a penny – heads meant move one space, tails meant two spaces.Wherever he landed, he had to practice the skill using the idea on the board.

We kept the game board on our fridge and used a magnet to mark his spot on the path. Keep playing each day until you reach the end. This is so fun and can make an otherwise tedious task quite enjoyable!

Climb a Ladder

As your child gets older, you can introduce more steps to the goal-setting process. Once you have a goal to work toward, it’s time to think about specific steps your child can take to reach that goal. Brainstorm together and write one step on each rung of a ladder chart. Mark off your successes as you get closer to your goal. It doesn't really matter if these are the “right” steps to achieve the goal – it’s all about the process!

My tips for using goal charts:

§  Keep it simple! If you are more comfortable on the computer, make your charts and print them out. But, a hand-drawn one works just as well, too.

§  Display your chart in an accessible area close to your goal area.

§  Write the goal as an “I-statement” across the top of your chart  (I can make my bed or I can try one bite of a new food).

§  Start small. Toddlers will need a chart that can be completed in a day or two.  Preschoolers could start with 2-3 day charts and work up to ones that take around a week.

§  Teach your child positive self-talk by offering comments such as, “Look how close you are to your goal,” or “I can see you are working hard to meet your goal.”

§  Achieving a goal is a time for celebration! If you are going to offer a reward for finishing the chart, agree on the reward ahead of time.Try working for an experience (making cookies, going to the park, etc.) rather than a toy.

§  Be a role model – set your own goals, talk about them, and display your own chart.

I’m wishing to play the he keyboard more, so my goal is to play 15 minutes each day. I think I’ll have the boy help me make a chart to track my progress!

Are you a goal-setter? What dreams and wishes can you turn into specific, achievable goals for yourself and for your kids?